I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
