God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
