Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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