I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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