he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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