Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
