you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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