You made me cry and you don't even care
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
