Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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