I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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