I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
