I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
