with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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