Screwed.edu
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
