My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
