Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
there is glitter all over my balls
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
