Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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