I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize