I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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