omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
