I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
