he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
