when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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