but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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