Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I will pee on everything he values.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize