we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
