I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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