I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
