I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
