you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
