My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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