It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He felt like a one man threesome
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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