It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
