drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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