And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
