I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
