i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
