she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
wow bdsm is so cute
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