I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
