it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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