Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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