dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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