Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
