No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
