Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
