He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
