forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
