His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
