it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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