I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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