is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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