Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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