the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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