man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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