Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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