everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize