is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
