If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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