$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
