She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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