I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize