I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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