Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
