Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
