You really coming over, don't trick.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
