we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
