I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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