i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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