I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
