dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
