there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
