You can't motorboat a personality
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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