I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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