You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
