he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
