New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
