somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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