probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
