Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
