My room smells like vodka and shame
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
