I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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