Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
