my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
