highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
