i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
