Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
