my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
