You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize