i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
