we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think a kid would responsible me up
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
