Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize