You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
