on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
