my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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