sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
