I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
