Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
