My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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