Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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