My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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