What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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