just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
