he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
