Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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