Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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