Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Do you have feelings for this penis?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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