I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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