the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This baby is an asshole
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
